Processing?

Why can I not find the words? The tears? Anything? I feel so lost right now. My tenuous hold on things is looser than normal and it is taking all my strength to stay together. And for what? Some half-hearted notion that people should carry on? I'm not being melodramatic, I'm just critical. What makes a normal life? Why should we assume humans should survive? Who wants to fit into biology's ideological system thought up by Darwin? Really - it's just another ideology. Haven't we done away with those? Dismantle them in some kind of deconstructionist fantasy where life has no meaning yet we still want to survive. Because that's the main point - without meaning, is there a reason or go on? No.

I try so hard to dismantle meaning so that I'm not caught in an ideology. The only one I feel like giving in to is love because the other person will add the element of the outside world to the growth and development. But I fail at that miserably. Horridly.

I am apparently not prepared to process things. I am too tired and too stressed, yet cannot get either out of my body. I don't really know what to do, other than nothing and hope I fade out of existence. Bah. These symbols contain no meaning - why bother writing them? Why bother with anything?